


August

by Glambertal



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Breif mentions of suicidal themes, Internalized Biphobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Magnus has a lot of stories to tell, Magnus's past, Mentions of homophobia, Minor Character Death (Mentioned), Sad Magnus Bane, alec just really loves his boyfriend okay, but it isn't graphic, comforting alec lightwood, the oc is only mentioned in said story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 06:53:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10894032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glambertal/pseuds/Glambertal
Summary: "What was your first time like?"Magnus looked up at him slowly, one eyebrow arched curiously. "Why?"Alec shrugged as if he weren't mortified. "Just wondering. You don't have to answer."Magnus just hummed and bookmarked his page, setting the book down. "It wasn't nearly as good as yours, if that's what you mean."





	August

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: this was not supposed to be angsty, but thats all I know how to write. I feel like this is something not often talked about when it comes to Magnus's past, but I also feel that it's very important, especially regarding to the time he grew up in. 
> 
> Im not bisexual, nor am I gay, but I am a pansexual woman, so I'll be drawing from personal experience, but if I say anything offensive, please let me know in the comments. 
> 
> As usual, un-beta'd and all mistakes are my own. 
> 
> (Side note: the flashback is set around the 1300s, and all my info was gathered via Google so correct me one anything incorrect.)

"What was your first time like?"

It was a slow night on their balcony. Valentine was contained, Clary wasn't off causing chaos somewhere, though Alec swears her or Jace would interrupt them soon enough. He was sitting on the edge of the railing, Magnus's wards acting as a safety wall behind him as he finished wiping down and putting his arrows back in their quiver. Magnus was sitting on the sofa with his knees curled up to the side of him, reading an old book in a language Alec didn't know. 

He was in a black sweater the hung long around his wrists, but stretched across his biceps in a way that wasn't uncomfortable, but just tight enough to make Alec stare. His hair was messy and undone around his face, makeup long since gone and glamour dropped. Alec loved moments like this. Loved that Magnus felt that he could be so... Bare in front of Alec. It was an honour to even be in his presence, but to be trusted like this... It was incredible. They had been sitting in comfortable silence for the question left Alec's lips. He didn't mean to say it, but it was out there before he could stop himself, and all he wanted to do was to sink into the floor and disappear. 

Magnus looked up at him slowly, one eyebrow arched curiously. "Why?"

Alec shrugged as if he weren't mortified. "Just wondering. You don't have to answer."

Magnus just hummed and bookmarked his page, setting the book down. "It wasn't nearly as good as yours, if that's what you mean."

Alec laughed slightly, cheeks a bit red. "No- that's not- I mean, what was it _like. _Usually, I'd probably be able to guess certain details, but you aren't exactly limited to mundane lifestyles. I was just curious, I guess. I don't know much about you when you were younger."__

__Magnus looked thoughtful, and for a moment, Alec thought he wouldn't answer before he spoke._ _

__"His name was August."_ _

__Alec looked up sharply, suddenly refocused. "Your first time was with a man?"_ _

__Magnus laughed, but it didn't hold much humour. "Uncommon in the time I grew up in, I know. I was seventeen and it was when I lived in Spain, and he was an eighteen year old mundane boy working on his father's farm. Most boys that weren't rich in that time already had started working around age twelve. I, of course, had a very different path lined up for me."_ _

__Magnus gained this faraway look in his eyes that he always had when he reminisced about his past. One of Alec's favourite things to do was to listen to Magnus's stories. They were always enthralling, whether they were extraordinary, or mundane. He could listen to Magnus speak for a lifetime._ _

__"I had left the Silent Brothers' so called care by then, and I was living in a small room at a haven built by warlocks. It was small, but it was mine." He smiled then, eyes fond and proud. "August's home wasn't far, and often, I'd walk past the farm on my way to the woods nearby where I would practice my magic- learn to harness it. I was the most powerful by miles."_ _

__Alec felt a swell of pride in his chest, because _yeah. _His boyfriend was the most powerful. It wasn't surprising in the least, but it made him beam with affection.___ _

____"I'd noticed August before, of course. I was always aware that a boy worked there, but one day, I saw him watching me, and I was curious. I spoke to him one day, offered my help, and he just shook his head, said he could take care of it. He was built- not the same way you are- but made of sheer, untrained muscle. To me, he was beautiful, and that made everything confusing."_ _ _ _

____Magnus's voice was somber then, and a sinking feeling uncoiled in Alec's stomach, knowing what was coming. He'd been through it. That terrifying moment when you just _know. _It had almost killed him, and to think Magnus had to go through it too broke his heart.___ _ _ _

______Magnus was staring at his hands, blue wisps of glittering smoke floating through his fingers. "It wasn't something you talked about, those feelings. No one even acknowledged that it could be possible, and I'd certainly never heard of it before. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't like that- that _I _wasn't like that. After all, I like girls, right?" He laughed again, breathless, and Alec's heart broke for him.___ _ _ _ _ _

________"But the more time I spent with August- the more conversations we had- I knew. He knew too, but we never mentioned it. It was all smiles too big and looks that lasted too long. We were kids. We had no idea where it could even go. Love was rare, and sex was only to have kids and a family. That was never going to be a possibility for me anyways."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Alec winced. "Magnus-"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Magnus just shook his head, and Alec fell silent again, listening._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"One day, months after I started visiting, I had been keeping him company while he worked for hours, and he stopped and just... Looked at me." Magnus smiled softly. "Then he kissed me."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"What did you do?" Alec asked quietly, and Magnus laughed, for real this time, head tipped back and shoulders shaking with mirth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Oh, I was terrified." He chuckled. "I just sat there, frozen, before I finally kissed him back. He was so scared too, and I can still remember how he shook. August was gay, you see. I assume he knew before I did, and I could see him fighting it from the beginning, scared and trying so hard to be what society wanted him to be. But when he gave in... He was beautiful. Neither of us knew what we were doing, but he did it with everything he had." Magnus shook his head, as if trying to distance himself from the memory. "Im sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"No." Alec breathed. "No, not at all. Do you- can you keep going? If you want to, that is. It's just- I like hearing your stories, especially with people... With people like me."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Magnus gave him a sad smile, eyes still fond through it. "You remind me of him, you know? You two are so alike. He would've been so proud to see how the world changed. He would've loved you."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Alec ducked his head, an odd combination of flattery and sadness in his chest. Sadness for how people like August and Magnus had to live. Sadness that so many of them will have never gotten to be free. Sadness that he almost didn't get that either. Not if it weren't for Magnus. It was another thing he and August had in common; Magnus Bane gave them that taste of freedom, and Alec is sure that  
August must have loved him just as much for it. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Do you ever think about him? Nowadays,  
I mean?" He asked, and Magnus sighed, looking down again. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"He was my first love." He said simply. "People's faces and their memories can fade over centuries, but I don't think I'll ever forget him. He died so young." Magnus's voice was devastated, eyes becoming glassy. "The black death... August worked on a farm. It was inevitable. His father passed before him, and his mother shortly after. I can't catch mundane diseases, and so I stayed with him every day until he died. He told me he loved me then, and I told him the same. I didn't heal for years after."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Magnus," Alec whispered, not knowing what else to say. "Im _so _sorry."___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Magnus wiped a tear away quickly, giving Alec a soft look. "It's not your fault, love."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"But _still." _Alec shook his head, furious at the world. Furious that Magnus- gorgeous, kind, _amazing _Magnus had to lose someone like that. That he had to lose so many people in his life. "It's not _fair." _________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"No," Magnus admitted. "It's not. But he was mortal, Alexander. He was going to leave me eventually."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________The sentence hung in the air, lingering, and the words couldn't be taken back. They were both thinking the same thing, but Alec was the one to voice it.  
"Like me."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Magnus winced. "Alexander..."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"It's true, though." Alec said, not unkindly. "I'm going to be like August, aren't I?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Magnus shuddered as if the thought caused him actual, physical pain. "I don't want to think about that. Not yet."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Alec watched his face crumple, and he was struck with the thought of «holy shit, this man really loves me» and his chest ached seeing the way the entire conversation ate at Magnus. He stood from his spot on the railing, crossed the balcony floor, and settled on the couch next to Magnus, entire body facing him while Magnus still stared at the ground, breathing shaky.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"Im sorry I pushed." He said softly. "I didn't mean to make you hurt. And I-" he struggled with the words, pausing to collect his thoughts, because it was important that Magnus knew this. "I want you to know that I understand that you still love him, and I don't mind. I don't know how it feels, because I've only ever loved you, and I _hope _that I don't ever have to be without you, but if I every had to be with someone else, I don't think- no, I _know- _that I could never move on from that. So I need you to know that I'm not mad if you still love him."_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Magnus looked up at him, eyes wide and slightly shocked. "Alexander," he breathed. "I miss August, and I loved him dearly," he grabbed Alec's hands, making him look him in the eye. "But I _love _you now, and so I need you to know that."___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________Alec blinked a few times, mouth moving wordlessly before he managed to speak, a small, genuine smile on his lips._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________"Yeah." He said. "I know."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I hope everyone enjoyed that. I tried to make it a bit happier at the end and leave it on a good note. Again, if anything said is offensive in any way, please let me know. 
> 
> Comment and kudos keep me going!


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